


Until We Go Down

by Mylifeisactuallyamess



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Auras, Care, Fighting, Fluff, Mention of Death, Mind connection, Rey does not exist, Threat of sedation, being shot, description of dead people, force aura
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:48:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28896924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylifeisactuallyamess/pseuds/Mylifeisactuallyamess
Summary: Shayl has been living on Jakku all her life, the only person she really knew was Lor San Tekka. She doesn’t speak, she used what she was told was the Force to communicate. Not much happened in her life except surviving in the sandy wasteland, that was until Poe Dameron fell from the sky in a First Order TIE fighter and she had to save his life.
Relationships: Poe Dameron x Orginal Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Jakku

Sand, the constant ever changing sea of heat lay before me. The sun beat down creating distorting waves in the air and I could see some animals riding the thermals high in the sky. I squinted as I looked up, I could see a dark spec against the blue. I stood as I recognised it as a ship. A ship in trouble meant payment. I loaded up my speeder and grabbed my staff. I had to be quick to beat anyone else to the wreckage. 

The ship had come out of nowhere, a burning fireball as it had hurled to the surface, a tangle of red and orange flames streaking through the atmosphere. I had to shield my eyes against the sun as I watched it descend at a punishing pace. No one would survive that. Hopefully there would be some parts to salvage though. 

It crashed into the sand creating a huge dust cloud that settled with a hissing noise as I crept closer. Looking down from the top of the dune I felt disappointed as it had landed on a sinking pit that could give way at any moment. I slid down the dune on a sheet of metal I had fashioned into a tray to carry bits and pieces I’d scavenged. I felt the warm sand filter between my fingers as I dug them in to steady myself, gliding smoothly to the bottom of the dune. It was quiet, only the soft crackling sound of a small fire reached my ears as smoke rose from the wreckage, it created a tall dark plume that would be seen for miles and I felt a sense of urgency knowing I had to work quickly. I paused turning towards a new sound, was that.... _a groan?_ I approached slowly as this was clearly a First Order TIE fighter, a two seater one at that, anyone could be in it. I held my staff up ready to jab anyone in the face as adrenaline pumped round my body. I wasn’t scared though I felt excited, it had been a while since anyone had crashed on Jakku. My heart pumped and the sun beat down on me making sweat drip down my face. 

I took a breath to try and calm myself as I came around the tall wing, I saw a body had been thrown from the cockpit. He wasn’t in traditional Storm Trooper armour, he was just in a white shirt and some pants. From what I could see he has no weapons or anything on him at all. His face was bleeding and his shoulder was sitting at a funny angle, probably had some internal injuries as well. 

Holding my breath to keep my arms steady I stretched as far as I could and nudged him with my staff, he groaned again and I recoiled in shock.  _He was still alive? What the hell?_ I felt vibrations through the soles of my feet and I knew my time was running out,  do I salvage or I do save this stupid mans life?  I stood there as the seconds ticked away torn between the need to eat and the need to do the right thing, I looked up at the bright sky cursing the Maker for landing me with this shit. 

I threaded my arm through the strap on my staff and settling it across my back, I grabbed his uninjured arm and attempted to drag him up the dune, it was hard work but he slid easily through the sand on my tray. I tugged him over the top and sat down heavily rolling him onto his back. He had smooth evenly tanned skin, he was clearly human and his black curly hair was plastered all over his sweaty face. My eyes were drawn to the silver chain on his chest, dangling from it was a ring. Probably would buy me some food if he died. He looked so peaceful, I couldn’t look away from him I’d never seen someone so handsome before. I swept the hair off his forehead realising his skin was burning hotter than it should be in this heat.  _Great_ . He needed a medic for sure. 

Suddenly the ground trembled beneath us and I flattened myself against the hot sand, a loud noise shattered the quiet and I covered my ears trying to block out the sound of screeching bending metal. The sinking pit swallowed up the ship grinding it up as it went, I crawled forward using my elbows and knees to get a look over the top of the dune. The sand churned around the ship until there was nothing left, like there had never been a ship there at all just moments ago. 

‘POE!’ The sound of the shout in the stillness made me jump and I saw a Storm Trooper standing there bold as brass. His white and black armour stood out in stark contrast against the yellow sand. He screamed again as he held a leather jacket in his hands. I cocked my head as I studied him, he had no helmet, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Trooper without their helmet before. Even from here I could see the sweat dripping of his dark skin, that armour was not made for this climate. I looked back at the man I had pulled from the wreckage, was he a prisoner? _He’d been in the pilots seat though....?_ I sighed with relief as the Trooper, looking defeated started making his way towards Niima Outpost. He probably wouldn’t make it, something would eat him or he would die of dehydration. And then something would eat him anyway. The mans breathing was becoming laboured his chest heaving as he struggled for air. I couldn’t take him to Niima, the Trooper would probably kill me, the only other place I knew of was Tuanul and the Church of the Force. Maybe Tekka could help. I stood up and started dragging the man to my speeder, grunting I heaved him up onto the seat. He cried out feebly as I nudged his injured shoulder. He needed help and fast. I started the speeder and turned to the direction I needed to go hoping I wasn’t too late. 

Darkness was falling as I approached the village but I instantly knew something was wrong. There were no fires, no people no smells of food cooking. It was silent, eerily silent. I turned my speeder off and sat there as a feeling of dread seeped into me. Something had happened. I put my hand on the mans chest feeling the rattle in each breath he took, Poe? The Trooper had said his name was Poe? He didn’t have much time. I pulled my staff off my back and crept towards the first darkened hut and peered into the centre of the village. Destruction, it was everywhere but in the middle was a pit. A full pit. 

My eyes could barely register what I was seeing in the rapidly fading light as horror gripped me. In the middle were all the villagers, a huge mound of death. The smell was horrific and I could see where the animals had started to feast, feast on people I knew, their hollow sockets staring sightlessly at me. Women, children their faces forever frozen in silent screams of terror and fear. I closed my eyes as hot tears fell, but I had no time to mourn I had to find some medicine. I ran to Tekka’s hut but it had been destroyed, burnt down along with almost everything else. Panic began to cloud my thoughts as I searched through the ruins looking for anything that might have survived. My hands became filthy and my clothes were streaked with black as the soot and charcoal from the rubble coated me. I found some food and some basic medical supplies, dumping them in the least damaged hut I could find. I paused, hearing a scratching sound. 

I grabbed my staff and rushed to my speeder, charging round the corner I could see the Gnaw-Jaws as they stood on their back legs trying to reach the still body of Poe who was still slumped over the seat. I ran swinging my staff as I twirled smacking the first one on its soft underside with so much force it flew backwards through the air landing with a thud on the ground meters away. The other one rose up clacking it’s large jaws at me in warning. 

_You’re not having him! I am meant to save him!_ I jabbed my staff in its face and it slithered away on its many legs. Without any hesitation I heaved Poe up right throwing his good arm around my shoulders I dragged him to the hut. The roof had been partly burnt off but it would do for now. 

_Maker this man was a dead weight!_ I put him down as gently as I could on the bed but he still groaned in protest, which was good it meant he was still with me. I jabbed with him the bacta shot, did I do one or two? I paused not wanting to over load his body with the stuff but what if he needed it? I shook my head, one would do for now. I cleaned the wounds on his face before I could tackle his shoulder. I gently felt it with my fingers, feeling the ball and how far out of the socket it had come, hopefully I could get it back in without damaging anything. I came round the bed and placed my ear against his chest, the bacta was working as his breathing had improved already. 

I looked at his calm face as I planned in my head how to do this alone. 

I shoved my hands under his sweaty body and gently turned him onto his front he didn’t make any noise this time and I didn’t know if that was a good or bad sign. His arm hung down loosely over the edge of the bed, I bent down next to him firmly gripping his forearm as I squatted. I counted down, not sure why because he wasn’t awake, maybe it was to calm the nerves fluttering around in my stomach. On the silent count of three I yanked him arm and lots of things happened at once. First off he yelled so loud and right in my ear causing me to lose balance, next he pulled his arm up and smacked me in the face. Pain ricocheted through my skull as my head hit the floor and I cried out as stars floated across my vision. I managed to sit up feeling nauseous from the now continual ache in my brain. 

_The thanks from some people_ _._ I leant against the wall flinching as the tender spot on the back of my head rested on it. My eyes fluttered and I desperately tried to stay awake, I needed to check on him. The sounds of his even, steady breathing reached my ears, he sounded alright but there was nothing I could if he wasn’t. Darkness swallowed me up and I couldn’t fight it. 

_Oh wow that hurts! That really hurts!_ I moaned as throbbing pain bashed the inside of my skullrelentlessly, like a Steelpecker was knocking it’s hard beak on my head again and again.

‘You’re awake.’ My eyes snapped open and I scrabbled widely as I tried to find my staff, I felt disoriented as the sun shone in my eyes, fear pricked me wondering who had spoken and why they were in my personal hidden space. 

‘It’s ok I’m not going to hurt you!’ I blinked my eyes as I held my staff before me pointing straight to his chest. My own chest heaved as I tried to get over the shock of being woken up by someone else, usually if I get woken up there’s an intruder in my space. My eyes dart around remembering what had happened yesterday as they took in the disheveled hut, the missing parts in the roof and the mess on the floor that I didn’t see in the dark, almost like it had been ransacked. Finally I looked at him, the man I had pulled from the TIE. He squatted down before me, his hands up in a defensive position showing he was unarmed and he wasn’t going to hurt me, his dark brown eyes studied me intently. The bruising was coming up on his face giving him a blotchy complexion. ‘I’m guessing I have you to thank for me being here?’ I stared at him, if he wanted conversation he wasn’t going to get it from me. I couldn’t remember the last time I had spoken out loud to anyone, Lor San Tekka had seemed to understand me he said I projected my feelings and emotions to him.... _ Tekka .  Where was he? _ I stood up quickly but swayed slightly as my brain tried to catch up with my body, _Maker_ this felt awful, groggy and sick. I hated feeling weak. If you felt weak on Jakku you were an easy target. 

_I have to find Tekka_ . I shoved past Poe and opened the door. A cloud of Ripper-Raptors rose at the sound of it opening before settling back down on the mound of dead villagers. The smell made my stomach roil in protest and I covered my nose in an effort to smother it. But it didn’t help. He came up behind me and I could feel his sadness at the sight before us. I walked out into the village but Poe’s hand caught me, I flinched, ripping my arm from his grasp and pointing my staff at his face my eyes wide. 

_No one touches me, ever!_ I tried to get my heart beat under control but it was pummelling the inside of my chest like a caged animal. 

‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to frighten you but where are you going?’

_Tekka. I have to find Tekka_.  He looked at me, as he frowned. 

‘Cat got your tongue? Or do you just not want to speak to me?’  Stars he was annoying. ‘You can’t go out there alone, what are you looking for?’ I turned away from him my eyes on the ground as I followed my senses, the life of the small animals were like little pin pricks of light and the corpses were dark, devoid of life. There was one, a body lay on the floor outside of the pit where all the other bodies were, I hadn’t noticed it before. 

_ No ! _

I knew even before I reached his side who it was, the wound on his flesh was long, he must have died instantly, but there was no blood. _What weapon could create this kind of mark?_ Poe crouched down beside me, his face grave. 

‘Did you know him?’ I nodded. Yes I knew Tekka, he had been one of the few people on this god forsaken rock who had spoken to meand not treated me like an idiot. He just accepted who I was. He had told me stories of his past and his travels. His life had been rich with adventure and when he spoke I had been transported away to different planets all over the galaxy. But now, he would never tell me a story again. He had made my life bearable, and now he was gone. 

Emotion swelled up inside me, silently I cried the sobs making my shoulders shake as the crushing weight is despair landed on me. But I couldn’t leave him out in the open like this, he didn’t deserve to die. I stood, wiping my face as I tried to find a suitable space to dig, marking it out with my staff I then knelt down and started pulling at the sand with my bare hands. 

‘Here.’ I looked up at Poe as he offered me a piece of wood. 

_What do you want me to do with that?_ I glared at him for a moment before continuing with my digging.

‘Just thought it would save your hands,’ he grumbled as he knelt down opposite me. He scraped the wood along the ground within my marks and I watched with interest as he began to shovel large mounds of sand. ‘I’m Poe by the way. And you are....?’ I sat back on my heels the staff across my knees as I watched him. I was curious about him, most people now would have given up talking to me. It seemed he was different, or maybe he was just stubborn. His brown eyes rose up to look at me. ‘Not much of a talker I see. You gonna help or....?’ He shrugged and went back to shovelling and I went back to digging, the sun was punishing already but I couldn’t leave this now we’d started. ‘I knew him too you know.’ I cocked my head eying him again, his black hair was messy with sand and grime as he ran his hands through it with a sigh. ‘Not for very long but I knew him. I got the impression he was an honourable and decent man. I wish I had the time to know him better.’ His emotions swirled round me, sadness mixed with hatred and anger. 

_Did he know who did this?_

‘The First Order have a lot to answer for.’ My mind raced at his words, so he wasn’t with the First Order that was obvious, but his companion had been. I wanted to trust him, I’d saved his life and not robbed him for a reason, I just didn’t know what that reason was yet. 


	2. The Resistance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have written my own version of Poe getting off Jakku, with OC. This a long chapter, a lot happens.

Loss. It weighed heavily on my chest every time I tried to take a breath, it felt like someone had tied ropes around me and pulled them tighter and tighter with every sob. I stared down at the grave we had dug for Tekka, the tears falling unchecked. I couldn’t stop them, it just didn’t seem right putting him into the ground like that, leaving him in darkness. Poe hadn’t cried but he had done most of the hard work and I couldn’t help but be grateful. I knelt down and gently placed a hand on the mound of sand. 

_I am sorry my friend. I will find who did this._ As I stood up I could feel him looking at me, studying me.

‘You want to say a few words?’ I turned to look at him and I hoped the irritation was coming across in my tearful gaze. 

_No I did not want to say a few words_ _._ I turned on my heel and stalked off back to the hut to gather some supplies. I didn’t want to hang around here anymore, the smell, the feeling of death, the sound of the animals eating and fighting over the corpses. No. I needed to leave. To my annoyance he followed me. ‘Hey sorry I didn’t mean to offend you, just you haven’t said a word since we met. I’m not gonna lie it’s a little unsettling.’ 

_Remind me why I saved you._ I started to gather up a few supplies, the medical ones were the most precious along with some food that I had saved. The rest was destroyed, I had to check the water pump to see if I could get some fresh water out of it before I left. 

‘Is there a radio here I could use?’ I pointed to a destroyed hut and he huffed loudly yet again agitating his hair with his hand. ‘Ok, let’s see what state it’s in.’ I left him looking at the pile of rubble but I couldn’t help and wonder who he needed to contact. I suppose he didn’t want to stay here and he clearly didn’t belong. I spied on him from round a corner as he expertly reattached the wires and the console together, I was mesmerised by how quickly and precisely his fingers worked. For someone with such large hands he had a certain dexterity about him, something you didn’t see much on Jakku. I smiled slightly as the feeling of excitement radiated around him, so palpable I could almost touch it. 

‘Hello? Leia? Oh damn it’s so good to hear your voice!’ He hunched over as he listened to a crackly message his ear close to the console. ‘I don’t know how secure this channel is but I’m on Jakku, I’ll send you the co ordinates, come and get me off this rock please!’ Something fizzled and he cursed punching a few more buttons as he whacked the side of the console, all expertise and excitement had gone to be replaced frustration. 

He cursed loudly again standing up he kicked it making me flinch, his hair was disheveled as he fisted his hands in it. He had no idea if his co ordinates got through but all he could do now, was wait. 

I sighed and closed my eyes, I couldn’t leave him here on his own he’d probably get eaten. Or starve. The man was defenceless, he had no gear at all, looked like I was sticking around here in this pit of death a bit longer.   
I grabbed a couple of portions and my dish pouring it all in and mixing it with the last of my water, I probably should have checked the pump first. The powder grew before my eyes rising and puffing up into bread, it didn’t have a great taste but honestly it was all I had. I stood waiting for him to notice me as he kept fiddling with the radio again, he was muttering to himself moaning about the planet, moaning about the First Order. Just so much moaning. I tapped his foot with my foot and held out the bread. 

‘Oh, thanks.’ I sat down opposite him his brown eyes back on the console studying it as I studied him. I’d never spent so much time with someone I didn’t know before, usually I felt too uncomfortable or their aura effected me too much but this man.....it was so easy. Although he was annoyed he still projected calmness and a surety about himself even though he was in a dire situation. I felt safe with him, this was rare on Jakku most the people here were dangerous, criminals, murders, scavengers their auras clouded with the bad deeds they had done.

A sound reached my ears and I instinctively stood grabbing my staff. 

‘What is it?’ I waved my hand at my hip hoping he would be quiet. I could hear speeders, they were coming to ransack the destroyed village, I grabbed his arm and dragged him to my speeder we mounted quickly and he grabbed my waist as I sped off. I felt panicked I didn’t know where to go, I couldn’t take him to Niima and we couldn’t stay here not now. He tapped my shoulder and gestured for us to stop at the burnt out wreckage of a ship. Why did he want us to stop? We were still so close to the village! 

‘This was my ship.’ Ah, shit. 

_That is sad but we can’t stay here!_ I grabbed his sleeve to stop him walking off,  _voices_ I could hear voices just over the ridge. I dragged my speeder and hid it as well under the ridge as I could, if they found it I’d lose all my stuff. We stood in the shadows, flattened against the rock incase they saw us. I tried to keep my breathing shallow but my heartbeat roared in my ears blocking out any other sound. I looked up at Poe but he wasn’t panicked, he was calm and it emanated off him in waves eventually calming me down too. He pointed up at the sky and I could see the faint outline of a ship, his transmission had got through and he’d be leaving any moment. We both tensed as the voices got closer. 

‘What’s that down there?’

‘Not much to salvage there.’

‘What happened do you think?’

‘No idea but this has got the First Order written all over it, no witnesses.’ 

‘Wonder what the Church did to tick those guys off?’

‘Whatever, I’m just glad they didn’t come after the rest of us. Come on there’s nothing here.’

‘Wait,’ I held my breath waiting for them to notice my speeder. ‘There’s a ship coming in.’ 

‘Is it the First Order?’

‘Nah, too small.’

‘Let’s hide see what they’re after, or we could steal their ship.’ Poe and I looked at each other as we heard them scatter and I felt the adrenaline course through my body, the excitement of a fight. I gripped my staff as the ship got closer but the scavengers couldn’t wait and they started firing, the ship took evasive action and we broke cover, jumping onto my speeder and turning back towards the village Poe hanging tightly on the back.   
I could see them, one was a Kyuzo but the rest seemed to be human. I jumped backwards off my speeder launching myself into the air over Poe who had to lunge for the handles. The wind raced past me as I fell in a wide arc I landed in front of the first human squarely on my feet, yanking my staff up and ripping the blaster from his hands, then twirling and kicking his legs out from under him and whacking him with the staff to knock him out. I was instantly forced into a cartwheel as the other human turned his blaster to me but I was too quick and he couldn’t hit me, I managed to roll to his position bringing my staff up with a resounding crack between his legs and shoving him over as he curled up in pain. I slid along the ground having to bend almost in half backwards to avoid the Kyuzo’s shield he threw, it skimmed over my clothes, passing over my head I could feel the ripple of the air as it flew by but thankfully made no other contact. I managed to right myself and began to exchange blows with him twirling with my staff. My muscles began to scream in protest and I was quickly becoming exhausted, the Kyuzo was strong and he was quicker than me. Suddenly a blaster shot sounded, whizzing past my shoulder it struck the Kyuzo in the chest and he fell over in front of me. I spun blindly looking for the shooter only to find Poe holding a blaster, he was flanked by the people from the ship. They were Resistance. I lowered my staff slowly eyeing the other people distrustfully. 

‘That was incredible! I have so much to thank you for. I don’t even know your name.’ He stood in front of me as I caught my breath, I felt sad that he was going to leave now, I had got used to his company, even if he did irritate me. 

‘Poe we need to leave. If these scavengers saw us coming so did the First Order.’ 

‘Yeah, ok. Let’s go.’ Poe stuck out his hand and I recoiled slightly not knowing what he wanted me to do with it. ‘You shake it. It’s kind of a farewell, and a hello.’ I reached out slowly and gripped his finger and shook it from side to side quickly before letting go. He grinned his eyes dancing as he watched me and I couldn’t help but smile back at him. 

‘That’s not how it works but I’ll take it. I guess this is goodbye. I owe you.’ He started backing away towards the ship when the sound of a blaster rang out. I felt the pain blossom in my back and I was shoved forward by the force of the blast, Poe’s face changed from a smile to a look of horror as he jumped forward to catch me. I couldn’t hear anything except a high pitched ringing as my body collided with his and yet all I could feel was surprise. Surprise that someone had finally got me. My body started going numb and my vision went blotchy as I began to black out, it felt like I was flying, drifting through the darkness before everything faded out and I knew no more. 

_I grabbed my staff, did I need anything else? Oh yeah my water....I slung it over my shoulder and took a final look round my personal space. I didn’t really know what to call it....home? It didn’t feel like a home but I guess it was as close to it as I was going to get. I emerged slowly from the tunnel, I had prided myself on keeping it hidden for my most of my life so no one could rob me._

_I closed the hatch and went to step out onto the bright sand of Jakku but it wasn’t there. I paused, it was dark and the sand was black. Fear gripped me tightly as whispering voices reverberated around me, I couldn’t stop them, they just got louder and louder as I tried to cover my ears but they were inside my head pounding on my skull. I stumbled and lost my footing, I fell into the black sand and it began to move, waves lapped at me holding my arms and legs as I tried to get free. I couldn’t call outfor help, not that anyone would come anyway. The sand slithered over me and the sensation made my skin crawl, I tried with all my might to wrench my arm free to grab onto anything that would help me. But I was alone, drowning in a sea of darkness. I cried out as a blinding red cross sparked into existence, the sound of it sent tremors of dread through me. My eyes travelled up the sparking red blade to the black leather gloved hand tightening round the hilt. My heart stopped when my eyes rested on his face, but there was no face. Just a mask with sightless eyes, devoid of any human expression._

_‘You.’ His other gloved hand pointed at me and the voice that rolled out of the mask was deep and foreboding. My eyes rolled as pure fear ripped through me, I’d never felt an aura like his before. It was huge, it suffocated me as it threaded its way through my mouth, my eyes, my ears._

_I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe! A dark cloud of destruction and anger surrounded this person and all I could think about was running. My body was stuck, I couldn’t escape, trapped in the rolling black sand._

Beep. Beep. Beep.

My eyes opened and I gasped, dragging the air into my lungs as I burst into the brightness. I fought I couldn’t see anything except the bright lights in my eyes, it smelled unusual, unfamiliar. I felt my hands connect with something soft followed by a grunt and I rolled off the surface I was on. Something crashed on the floor sounded like metal, making me jump and all I could do was run. But I was in a room, it had curved walls, I skimmed my hands over them trying to look for a door. 

‘Somebody sedate her!’ 

‘Get the Commander!’

Voices sounded around me and my vision cleared. I saw the doors as they swung closed on the other side of the room. I hunched into a defensive position, I could see one of the people facing me had a needle in his hands, clearly this poor sap was the one to sedate me. _Too bad_. I didn’t want to be sedated. 

‘We don’t want to hurt you.’ A tall woman came towards me, she had a wrinkled face and short brown hair but her eyes were kind. I guess, I don’t really know. 

My heart thumped loudly and I started a count down in my head, calculating how many leaps it would take me to the door, if I would need to jump and twist to escape, oh Maker where was my staff? The doors banged open making everybody jump except me. He barged into the room in a bright orange suit.  _Poe_ . My brain froze as I tried to remember how I got here, but I had no idea. But I knew Poe. I could trust Poe. 

‘What’s happening in here?’ His voice was like music to my ears as his dark eyes locked with mine. ‘You ok?’ I nodded and he shuffled closer his calming aura wrapping round me in a comforting blanket, some of the tension eased out of my posture but not all of it. He looked around at the other people and made a gesture at them, I noticed how they obeyed and slowly backed away. ‘Put that needle down she’s not gonna need that.’ He stood before me his eyes studying me intently. ‘Sure you’re ok?’ Before he could react I reached out and touched his hand, as soon as my finger tips brushed his skin I opened myself up allowing a part of me to flow to him. 

He yelled his eyes squeezing shut in pain and I retracted my hand instantly as he fell to his knees. I was surprised, usually people accepted me entering their minds because they weren’t aware of it and that’s how I was able to speak to them.....I knelt next to him as he breathed heavily through his nose, I wanted to put a hand on his shoulder but I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to touch him again. 

‘Commander?!’ The person with the needle advanced and I flattened myself against the wall, panic began to claw its way up my throat and again I started to work out how to escape. 

‘I’m ok, stars! I’m ok.’ He shook his head and looked up at me. ‘Is that why you don’t talk? You show people, show them what you’re saying?’ I nodded slightly too terrified now to do anything else. ‘Ok, someone get the General. She’s going to want to know about this.’ I couldn’t help the tiny whimper that crept out of my mouth as I shook against the wall, the need to run, to escape was beginning to consume me. 

‘Hey it’s ok.’ He crawled towards me and before I could stop him he gathered me up against him. I couldn’t help but freeze as I felt the rough fabric of his flight suit, his arms gripped me tightly to stop the shaking but it was his calm and sure aura that helped me the most. Pulling me to him meant his aura weaved in and out of mine permeating me in ways I didn’t think were possible. The reaction was instantaneous and I felt the panic subside, I’d never been this close to  anyone before. No one had ever held me the way Poe was holding me and I felt drunk on it. I soaked him up, the feel of him, the smell of him all the sensations bombarded me at once. All I could do was fist my hand into his orange suit gripping it as hard as I could to try and anchor myself. 

And that’s how the General found us, Poe sat on the floor, his legs stretched before him as he rested against the wall, his head tilted back slightly and me gripping onto him for dear life, curled up in a tiny ball into his side with his arm around me. 

‘Commander.’ Her voice cut through the calmness and I managed to turn my head and look at her. I was too fuzzy from the sensation of Poe all around me to really do anything else. 

‘General. This is — this is the girl who saved my life.’ 

‘And I cannot tell you how grateful we are for that.’ Poe went to get up but she stopped him with a motion of her hand as she sat in a chair. Her grey hair was plaited and twisted almost like a crown around her head, her face was kind as she looked me over. ‘You have something to tell me?’ 

‘She doesn’t speak. Not sure if it’s can’t or won’t.’

_Won’t. I don’t want to_.  Poe’s eyes widened and he stumbled over his words. 

‘I — I erm...she....won’t speak.’ 

_I never needed to. Tekka always understood me._

‘ Tekka...Lor San Tekka??’ The General frowned slightly at Poe’s words.

‘Is she talking to you?’ 

‘Yes General, I — I think so.’ 

‘Fascinating. What else can she tell us.’ My mind was drawn to the black sand; the dark foreboding sky as lightning cracked across it, the way the sand felt sliding over my skin.

‘That’s......that pretty dark...’ stuttered Poe. I remembered the glowing red sword as it burst into existence. ‘Kylo Ren.’

_Kylo Ren._

The man in my nightmare had a name. Poe’s demeanour changed, I could feel him tense up, the hatred rose inside of him at just the mention of this person, images flashed in my mind images that weren’t mine. Blurs of white, black, red, the beatings, the pain. The searing invasion of another mind as he searched for details, information anything he could use. And then Tekka....standing up against this tall man in black, the red sword plunging down, taking his life in one swipe. 

‘I’m sorry. I couldn’t help him.’ Poe gripped me tighter and buried his face in my hair as we relived the horror together. 

‘Commander?’ The spell shattered, our brief moment of togetherness broken as he explained to the General about my nightmare. At the mention of this Kylo Ren a different emotion effected her and one I wasn’t expecting. Sadness. It filled her but she didn’t let it show on the outside or in her voice but I could feel it, see it as it swelled inside her at just the thought of him. Her aura shimmered as she spoke to Poe and her eyes kept lingering on me. 

‘It’s getting more and more evident that she is a force user.’ My eyes snapped to her piercing gaze. 

_Tekka had said the same_. 

‘ A pretty extraordinary one at that.’ She leant forward in her seat. ‘Do you have a name?’ 

_Shayl_ . Poe repeated it quietly, having someone say it out loud was unusual. But having it said by him was something else all together.

‘Welcome to the Resistance Shayl.’ Poe went to get up and I reluctantly released the grip on his suit, I looked down at myself seeing they had put me in some sort of flimsy cloth, I felt exposed all of a sudden and I didn’t like it. 

‘Here,’ the General put some clothes down on a bed. ‘We’ll let you get changed and then Poe can show you to a room.’ As soon as the door swung shut behind them I felt Poe’s absence. I pulled the clothes on berating myself for being so stupid. I had never relied on anyone but myself my entire life and here I was missing a man who was just the other side of that door? What in the Makers name was wrong with me?? Maybe it was because he touched me, I’d never had intimacy like that before, the way our auras had connected had been addictive. I wanted to do it again. I slowly opened the door and their whispered conversation stopped, Poe smiled at me and I had to smile back his was so contagious. I wasn’t used to it. 

‘Ready?’ I nodded and he opened the door in front of me to an entirely new world. The cacophony of sound reached me and I felt panicked at first, it was all so loud, so bright but so exciting! X-wings were dotted about, crates littered the floor holding supplies and parts, people everywhere. People in orange suits like Poe, or normal clothes like I had been given. I drank everything in until I saw outside through the open hanger door. It was....there was  _water_ falling from the sky? What was happening? 

I shoved past people not caring as I barged past because I was enraptured by the large droplets falling from the sky. I stood by the door, the sound assaulted my ears as it splashed onto the ground, creating large pools which rippled with every drop that fell. I’d never seen so much water in my life. I’d heard the stories from Tekka, I always asked him about water because it was something we just didn’t see on Jakku. Slowly I reached out but drew back as the cool clear liquid splashed onto my outstretched hand, I inspected it as the large droplets tracked their own path down my hand falling to the floor. This was wonderful, gingerly I stepped outside and almost instantly my clothes were soaked through but I didn’t care as I looked up at the grey sky filled with wonder and happiness. I blinked rapidly as it fell into my eyes, clear droplets sitting on my eyelashes as I stood there relishing this moment for all it was worth. 

_Rain_ . Tekka had called it rain. It was heavy and pummelled into my skin and wet my hair, I laughed I couldn’t help it. Why were all these people under cover and not experiencing this wonder? I shivered, was that the right word?  _Shivered_ . The tremor gripped my body completely and I gasped in delight at the sensation, the coolness rippled through me and I wrapped my arms around myself revelling in the feel of my clothes and how the water changed the way they felt against my skin. I lowered my eyes to see Poe leaning against the door his brown eyes creased at the corners as he smiled at me, his muscly arms folded across his chest as he waited. 

‘You’re getting wet!’ He shouted over the roar of the rain hitting everything it could reach. 

_I don’t care!_ Why wasn’t he out here? I didn’t understand. I reached for him splaying my fingers as I stretched desperately wanting to connect with him. To my delight he unfurled his arms and reached for my fingers, it felt like forever before the tips of his fingers touched mine but connect they did and through that little window I poured all my feelings into him. His eyes widened as I tried to get across how amazing this was for me but it must have shocked him because his hand jerked and the connection was broken. I couldn’t help feeling a little unsteady at the abruptness of it, the way the connection was severed wasn’t something I was used to. But then, I had never connected like that with anyone before. 

‘Come on! Before you get ill!’ Regretfully I looked up at the sky one more time before following him back inside. I was conscious of everyone staring at me as I dripped all over the floor but I didn’t care, I glared at a few of them and they lowered their eyes eventually. Poe showed me to a small room exclaiming it wasn’t much but to me this was luxury, a bed with covers? And a separate toilet area? He had no idea. 

‘Here.’ He handed me a large piece of material which I held tightly in my hands.

_Thank you?_ I looked at it not really knowing what he wanted me to do with it, it was a bit rough but as I ran my hands over it I saw it wiped up the water sitting on my skin. I rubbed the material over my other arm and then across my face, we didn’t need things like this on Jakku, not that anyone did get wet but the sun would just dry you off anyway. 

‘I’ve got to make some repairs to my X-wing, there are more clothes in here. I’ll be in the hanger if you need anything. We can get some food in a bit.’ I nodded, something was off about him his aura shimmered slightly and he felt confused? He softly closed the door behind him leaving me truly alone for the first time since I had woken up. There was a little window that let in some light and I could see the rain still falling, I shivered again and it reminded me I needed to get rid of these wet clothes. I stripped running the cloth over my wet body and squeezing out excess water from my hair. To my delight I found a bristled type thing that I could run through my mass of waves. My last one had been stolen and it had been a while since I’d properly been able to get all the knots out, using my fingers all the time was tiring. I dragged my hair up high on top of my head tying a band around it to hold it in place. I hadn’t realised how long it was until it was tumbling down my shoulders in wet waves. I really should cut this soon. I sat on the bed curling my fingers into the covers, it was all so soft so  comfortable . I wonder what would happen to me now? Surely if I stayed here they would want me to do something for them? No one did anything for free. I bit my lip slightly as I recalled what the General had said about me being a force user, I had no idea what that really meant. Yes Tekka had said the same and we had briefly touched on it but when he spoke about Force users, Jedi he called them, they could lift things, move things manipulate people if they so wished but I couldn’t do any of that. At least I didn’t think so. I’d never tried. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Sighing softly I got up the hunger in my stomach driving me to find Poe and the food he’d mentioned. 


	3. Waiting

I tried to keep to the shadows as I made my way back to the hanger, habit I guess. The rain still churned the ground up outside and I had to battle with myself to not go back into it. I saw Poe working on the back of a black and orange X-Wing, I cast an eye over the T-70 automatically picking out the parts of value and how many portions they would give me. I had to remind myself I didn’t need to do that here. Food was free.  _Wait, was food free?_ Did I need to do something for it? I felt the panic rise inside me, that oh so familiar tightening of my chest, I hated being in a world I didn’t know. I didn’t know what was going to happen or what was coming and it made me feel on edge, on edge and vulnerable. I stood at the bottom of his ladder wringing my hands together, it felt weird not having my staff to fill my grip. I tried to pull myself out of my thoughts as he stepped down removing the protective glasses he’d been wearing. His eyes took in my posture and instantly they became concerned.

‘Hey, you ok? You hungry?’ I nodded fighting down the need to touch him, the need for comfort and his calmness. I could feel his aura against mine but it was nothing compared to when he touched me. 

‘Come on I’ll show you where the cantina is then we need to go and sit with the General.’ I followed a couple of steps behind him as worry tugged at my thoughts. I had no idea what the General was going to do with me and I couldn’t help but fret over it. I had been my own person for so long doing my own thing, _surviving_. Now I had to answer to someone, they had saved my life they would want payment. The galaxy revolved around payment, nothing was free. 

I took the tray Poe handed me and I listened as he told me what food to avoid and what to eat, honestly it all looked amazing to me. Did he have no idea how amazing fresh food was? I had been eating out of packets where the powder magically turned to some bread like substance and he was telling me to avoid fresh food? It was just a few fruits I’d never seen before but the colours, the smells made my mouth water. The hot food didn’t look appetising but it was freshly cooked and looked better than anything from Jakku.

‘You got quite a selection there,’ he raised an eyebrow at my tray.

_Still less than you_ . I sniffed it first, the smell was ok and then I bit into it the juices dripping down my chin, my mouth exploded with the texture and the different tastes as I rolled it around my tongue. 

_Oh my Maker! This is delicious!_ Poe watched me with an amused twinkle in his eyes as I hunched over my tray daring anyone to take it from me. 

‘No one will steal your food Shayl.’ I tried to ease myself back into the chair but I couldn’t just  relax . I still felt so uncertain, so unsafe here. 

We ate the rest of the meal in silence. I people watched, everyone that came or left I saw them, I noted if they were happy or sad, tired, upset, I saw everything. So many people in one setting made my senses ring around me and I could feel a headache creeping in from not being able to shut them out. 

I had spent so long honing my senses, stretching them as far as I could while alone on Jakku that I didn’t know how to rein them in anymore. I followed Poe, my feet dragging as the constant battle with the environment raged, I didn’t want to feel if someone was hungry, I didn’t want to feel is someone was annoyed with the part they were trying to fix, I didn’t want to feel someone’s excitement about a BB unit. Who had use for droids anyway? 

He lead me down a dark flight of stone steps and I stumbled near the bottom as more voices, more feelings battered me. I tried so hard to block them out but I felt weak and overwhelmed. So many people, so many feelings, too many auras. They jostled against me all enveloping me and I felt like I was drowning, until Poe grabbed my arm. He saw me leaning against the wall struggling to even raise my head _until he_ _grabbed my arm_ . All I could feel was him. The concern radiated off him as he looked at me, his fingers raising my chin to look at him in the eyes.

‘You ok sweetheart?’ 

_Yes, just keep hold of me. So many.....people._

‘ Ok. I can do that.’ He laced his fingers in with mine and I shivered at the feel of it all. His aura weaved in and out of mine and it made me feel a bit sad that he couldn’t feel it, he had no idea at the extent of our connection now and he probably never would. 

‘General Organa.’ She turned to us her eyes instantly noticing that Poe held my hand and she raised an eyebrow as she looked questioningly at him. ‘Can we go somewhere with less people?’ 

‘This way.’ I couldn’t help but feel relief as she took us to a side room and shut the door, I pulled my hand away from Poe wrapping my arms around me. ‘Commander, I need to speak to Shayl alone. If that’s ok?’ She directed the last bit at me and I nodded. 

‘You sure...?’

‘Yes Poe I’m sure. Haven’t you got an X-Wing to fix?’ 

‘Alright fine,’ he huffed. ‘I know when I’m not wanted,’ he mumbled grumpily as he left. As soon the door shut she looked at me and held out her hand. 

‘I need to speak with you.’ Her hand flexed slightly as she waited for my response, she clearly didn’t like to be kept waiting. Slowly I reached for her not knowing what to expect when we finally touched. It was such an intimate thing and I felt uncomfortable doing it again with someone else. 

She gripped my hand and I braced myself for the rush of emotion, the feel of someone else invading my sense of self but it didn’t come. Just silence. 

_I thought this would be more comfortable for you._ Her voice was soft in my mind, just above a whisper, I couldn’t hear or feel anything else except the firm grip of her hand in mine and our steady combined breathing. 

_Yes, this is better._

_You really are amazing, I’ve never met anyone like you._

_How come......I can’t.....it’s so quiet._ She smiled.

_How does your power work?_

_I feel people, their auras, emotions it can get too much. I’ve been on my own for so long, and then Poe....when he touches me...._ I couldn’t help my thoughts wandering to when he held me in the medbay, the way our auras blended and how I got lost in the feel of him and now how it’s all I want all the time. I could feel myself blushing as her brown eyes studied me closely. 

_You’ve been alone a long time?_

_All my life. Until I met Lor San Tekka. He was the only person I really knew._

_I am sorry. He died helping us, he was a great man._ I frowned, so they were reason he was dead? But why? He had nothing of value, nothing the Resistance could want or this Kylo Ren.... the door crashed open and our connection was broken. 

‘General! Leia! BB8 has been spotted!’ Poe barged in the excitement buzzing off him. ‘Permission to go get him?’

‘Poe...’

‘I could take the squadron we would be in and out...’

‘Commander!’ He stopped at the tone in her voice putting his hands on his hips.

‘General, please it would be....’

‘Where is he?’ He sighed and tousled his black curly hair. 

‘Takodana.’

‘And the First Order?’ He sighed again, his shoulders slumping as he agitated his bottom lip. 

‘On their way.’ He pulled a face like the words pained him to say, maybe he thought she would stop him from going, I could tell this droid meant a lot to him. 

‘Who’s got him?’

‘Han, he took him to Maz on the Falcon.’ Poe watched her intently but her expression didn’t change at all. Her aura did, it roiled around twisting in confusion, pain and sadness at the mention of this person but under all that was the feeling of hope. 

‘Take the Squadron, get a transport ready. We are going to need medics....’ I followed them out of the room as she started ordering people around, Poe split off and I assumed he was heading to the hanger he was vibrating with excitement and the anticipation that came before a fight. 

He was jogging away from me pointing and yelling at people to get in their fighters, to fuel up and get ready to fly. People were everywhere their fraught emotions feeding into me making me feel like a huge bundle of nerves. I stood in the shadows of the hanger staying out of the way, I desperately wanted to say something to Poe I had no idea what but watching him get ready to leave the planet, to leave me here alone was horrendous.  _Why?_ Why was I so attached all of a sudden to a guy who literally fell out of the sky in front of me? I didn’t understand but I couldn’t help it. I knew I was being irrational. My heart started thumping when I saw him turn round his eyes searching, searching for  _me_ . He jogged over his helmet in his hands. 

‘I will be back soon ok? You stay here, stay safe. Keep an eye on the sky for me.’ I nodded and went to reach for him to connect to him but he was gone, climbing up the ladder to his black and orange T-70. He motioned with his hand for the squadron to move out, the hanger filled with the roaring sound of their engines and one by one they followed him out into the rain. 

Emptiness, it echoed around me as the few people left downed tools and headed off somewhere else. I walked to the open hanger door listening to the rain as it came crashing down onto the sodden floor. If this weather kept up I wouldn’t be able to see him come back. I heard a ship, this one was larger, a transport, it turned before heading off into the atmosphere. I looked once again into the dark and empty hanger, all I had left to do was wait. 

And wait I did. For hours. I watched as the rain slowly ceased until only the drips falling from the large leaves sounded. I was finally able to see the greenery that covered this planet, I’d never seen so much and it was a feast for my eyes. The way the large rocky outcrops rose out of the mist astounded me and I found myself walking outside the hanger captivated by the world around me. 

I could hear animals calling to one another over the silent base their calls echoing around the empty space. I had to touch what I could; the green leaves, the bark of the tree even the wet floor. I watched my fingers sink into the brown murky liquid that gathered on the ground feeling the coolness of it and the sticky texture as I rubbed my fingers together, I didn’t even know what it was called. I walked further out along the hard floor seeing pools of water I stamped my foot in them making a noise of delight as it splashed up my legs. This planet was glorious I didn’t want to leave! The smile faded from my face, what if I couldn’t do anything for the Resistance? Would they send me back to Jakku? Now I’d seen this, seen what was really out there in the galaxy I couldn’t imagine going back to that hideous sandy wasteland. 

A noise made me look up into the sky, the ships were returning, people started appearing from the base ready to welcome the fighters home. I stayed where I was, on the edge of the platform as the fighters all landed one by one along with a ship I didn’t recognise, no I did recognise it! This was the ship that had been parked at Niima outpost for years. Unkar Plutt, a Crolute, he had kept a cover over it and had shot anyone that went near it while claiming it was just junk. It was definitely that ship, I had no idea it could actually fly. I began to head towards it when someone stepped out, I recognised him, he was the Trooper on Jakku the one who landed with Poe in the TIE. What was he doing here? I stood next to a pile of supply crates as I watched him, a small white and orange droid raced down the platform and headed for Poe’s black and orange fighter that had just landed, he must be the BB unit they had gone to retrieve. Poe jumped down from his X-wing and started talking to the droid giving his round body a scratch and listening to the droids beeps. Suddenly he looked up and saw the Trooper coming towards him and to my surprise they embraced, they were happy to see each other? But I thought Poe had been his prisoner? 

Pain seared through my mind as the crushing weight of everyone’s heightened feelings and emotions became too much. Immense sadness radiated through the base... the First Order has destroyed planets? A whole system?

_Breathe_. 

But the world tipped and I couldn’t hold my balance anymore. I heard a shrill noise from the droid as I sagged against the crates knocking one to the floor.

‘Shayl?!’  His hands gripped me as he helped me up, but I couldn’t focus on him it was all so loud. And then, he placed his hands on my face. I gasped at the sudden silence as I looked into his molten brown eyes. The pain was chased away by the sense of Poe all I could feel was  _Poe_ . His calloused skin on my face, his aura blending with mine calming me, his smell that oh so familiar scent of engine oil. ‘You ok?’

_Is it true? The First Order....._ His eyes welled with sadness. 

‘Yes. It’s true. I’m going to let go now, because we can’t go around like this can we?’ He tried to smile comfortingly but it couldn’t erase the sadness from his expression. It weighed on him, heavily. 

_O — Ok_. He breathed out as he slowly let go of my face, our eyes locked together. The moment was broken by the droid rolling into my legs and beeping asking if I was alright. 

‘Yeah she’s ok buddy.’ I knelt down and put my hand on him wishing I could talk to him. ‘Finn this is Shayl, she saved my life on Jakku.’ The Trooper’s eyes rolled at the mention of Jakku and honestly I felt that hatred for the planet as well.

‘I didn’t see either of you at the crash site?’ 

_No but I saw you_.

‘I was passed out, don’t look at me I didn’t see anything except the sky spinning before my eyes and then nothing. I woke up in a hut with a sore shoulder and this one asleep on the floor.’ I placed a hand on Poe’s arm.

_You knocked me out!_

‘ I did?’ Poe turned to me his eyes wide with shock and I nodded a smile playing on my lips at his reaction as he raised a hand to his face. ‘I am so sorry!’ I shrugged, it happened.  Nothing either of us could have done about it.

‘Poe, I don’t....’ Finn looked frustrated like we were playing a joke on him. ‘She didn’t say anything.’ I reached for him but he snatched his hand back, the distrust rolled off him as he looked at Poe. ‘What’s she doing?’ 

‘Just hold still,’ Poe grabbed his arm, his voice rich with amusement.

‘No, what’s she doing?’

‘Finn, come on. Trust me.’ Finn cast his eyes over me and nodded slightly. I gently placed a hand on his arm, the connection was instantly established and I could feel....he felt different. 

_Hi I’m Shayl._ His eyes widened.

‘Oh what the hell?’ 

‘Wild isn’t it?’ 

‘She talks... you talk like that all the time?’ I nodded. 

‘Come on, we need to find the General. We have to discuss this new Starkiller Base,’ Poe looked at me. ‘I’ll come find you in a bit.’ I watched them walk off with BB8 rolling after them, the platform had emptied aside from a few mechanics working on the damaged fleet. No one paid any attention to me as I went over to Poe’s X-wing, I ran my fingers over the black and orange paint noticing the chips and dents, that would need to be repainted. The left top S-foil was damaged, he was lucky, anymore and it wouldn’t have got him home in one piece. I climbed up the ladder and leant over the side to check the cockpit, his deflector shield generator was down as well, his torpedoes needed to be replenished and by touching a few buttons I could see his tracking computer had a loose connection. 

_This man actually cheated death_ . 

‘Whatcha doing?’ I slid out of the cockpit and turned to face him as he looked up at me from the bottom of the ladder with his arms crossed over his chest. His aura was dark almost heavy with the weight of the news from today and in that moment I wanted to take it away from, but I didn’t know how. ‘Know a thing or two about X-wings?’ I shrugged noting how exhausted he looked. Today had been a long day. ‘Can you fix it?’ I made a so-so gesture with my hand and he grunted in amusement. ‘Come down, we’re going to have a remembrance get together for the people of Hosnian Prime. A lot of us lost friends, family and allies today.’ I felt his eyes on me as I slid down the ladder. ‘You can help me fix it tomorrow.’ 

A huge crowd had gathered and I could see General Organa standing on a platform so everyone could hear her. The mass of emotion rose around me and I tried to get as close to Poe as I could without looking like I was. So many people, so much emotional noise meant I wouldn’t be able to stay here for long. I could already feel the well of tears in my eyes as I blinked to hold them back. 

‘Today we have suffered a huge loss at the hands of the First Order. We now have a new goal and that is to destroy this Starkiller before they destroy anymore of the Galaxy. This act will not go unchallenged and they will answer for what they have done! Today, we lost family, friends, allies. Today we will remember them and tomorrow we will rise and we will fight. For Hosnian Prime!’ I looked up at Poe as he joined in the cheer, his face was grave and tears shone in his eyes. I couldn’t help but cry, I covered my face in my hands and sobbed for all the lives lost, the lives I knew and and the lives I didn’t.

_Kylo Ren_ .

The hatred I felt for this person I had never seen was ferocious and I knew if I was to ever come across him, only one of us would walk away. 


	4. Reckless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More mention of death.

Night fell over the base and I dragged my exhausted self back to my room, Poe was still out there drinking and talking he hadn’t even noticed I’d gone. I fell onto the soft covers still fully dressed as I instantly drifted off to sleep. 

_Silence. Just silence and darkness. I couldn’t see anything and all I could hear was the whisper of my own breathing as I tried to make sense of where I was. Something rose before me out of the darkness, it was a hill. I walked towards it as a faint throbbing red light glowed from the top. As I drew closer I could make out details on the hill, shadows blinked in and out of existence in time with the rising and falling light, I squinted and placed a hand on the mound. It was cold but slick with something warm, I pulled my hand away and saw it was coated in a dark liquid. Blood. My insides quivered with fear and it felt like a dark hand had seized my heart as despair flooded through me. I looked closer at the mound making out a face, Tekka’s face. His mouth gasped open in a silent scream but he wasn’t the only one. This entire hill was made of people, dead people. Some I knew and some I didn’t. I was rigid, the dark hand squeezed me tighter, pulling on unseen chains holding me in place. My eyes travelled up the hill each face with the same gaping mouths and their eyes rolled in terror, the red light brightened and I squinted as the red cross glowed at the very top. He held the weapon, the same sightless mask, the same deep dark aura wrapped around me. I fought it this time battling against the feel of him as he tried to suffocate me, I took a breath but it was followed by a choking sensation like he’d shoved his whole gloved fist down my throat. Tears ran down my face as I tried to fight him but he was so strong, too strong._

_‘You....’ his modulated voice rolled out of the mask and my hatred overrode the fear. I spat in his direction as hard as I could._

_I will kill you!_

_‘Not if I kill you first.’ My air way closed up fully and my body tried desperately to gulp some air down but I couldn’t, it was useless, he was taking me...._

‘Shayl!! Shay! Fuck sake Shay wake up!’ My mind was screaming at me to take a breath,  _Shayl take a fucking breath!_ I could feel my body struggling until something thumped me in the middle of my chest shocking me into taking a deep ragged breath into my aching lungs. ‘Oh thank the Maker!’ I coughed again and again my chest heaving, I felt someone’s arms pull me into a tight embrace.  _Poe_ . I could feel his fear from finding me in the middle of my nightmare. ‘You’re ok. It’s ok now.’ He large hand splayed on the back of my head as he pressed me into his shoulder. Feeling began to return to my body and I managed to feebly wrap an arm around him, I still felt exhausted and drained from earlier and now I felt like I hadn’t had any rest at all. 

_Thank you._

‘ I heard you crying out as I passed to go to my room.’ 

_Just a nightmare_ _._ Their faces rose in my mind and I tried to crush it down so Poe wouldn’tsee. 

‘You get them often?’ 

_At the moment, yes. Always of him. Kylo Ren._ Poe didn’t let go of me but I could feel his body tense at the mention of his name. 

‘I’ll speak to General Organa. See if you can come on a supply run with us, you can’t stay here with nothing to do.’ 

_You think she’d let me?_

‘We can always ask.’ I tried not to feel excited, I didn’t remember my first trip into space what with being shot and all, so the prospect of actually going and travelling into the galaxy was just amazing. I slowly pulled myself away from him and laid back down on the bed but his hand held tightly onto mine and I looked at him quizzically. ‘Do you need me to stay for a bit?’ 

_Aren’t you tired?_ He shrugged. 

‘I can stay if you need me?’ There was an edge to his tone that I couldn’t place but he was being genuine. Maybe he thought he owed me for saving his life on Jakku, but surely he repaid that by bringing me here. I couldn’t fight the huge yawn as exhaustion washed over me and he smiled slightly. 

‘Just sleep.’ My eyes were already closing as his hand squeezed mine in reassurance, the last few moments before sleep took me were filled with Poe, his breathing, his smell and the sense of him just here with me, connected to me. A connection that ran deeper than we knew. 

I could hear _whispering?_ The voices breezed through my sleepy mind until I opened my eyes and they scattered, reducing to silence. I looked to my right and saw Poe was still in here, he was laying face down on the bed fully dressed, his left arm and leg were dangling over the side because there wasn’t a huge amount of room for us both. I saw our fingers were still loosely entwined maybe I had heard the whisper of Poe’s dream. I paused as he twitched next to me. 

_‘No....No!’_ Seems I wasn’t the only one who had demons chasing them while they slept. Sweat plastered his curly hair to his forehead and a deep frown was pulling on his expression. I bit my lip as I decided if I should wake him or not, but he seemed to settle so I slipped out of the room quietly. 

It was early and the base was quiet, the sun was just breaking over the low mountains and I wanted to see this glorious sight with my own eyes. The cold air made my breath come out in white puffs and I was captivated. We never had any of this on Jakku where it was always warm even when the sun had left the sky. 

The suns rays cast almost solid golden streaks across the lightening sky as it threw shadows along the ground, the sky turned a mixture of orange and pink as they blended into one other. As I watched it rose, coming over the tops of the mountains and throwing the whole base into bright sunshine. It was beautiful,  breathtaking . The forest around seemed to come alive with animals and I knew in that moment I never wanted to go back to the desert wasteland. Here were people, people I could belong to. Now more than ever I hoped the General let me go on this supply run with Poe, I  wanted to be around people and this was such a huge realisation for me. 

I had been alone since I was a child, I had broken free from the little gang of orphans that I used to run around with, collecting parts from the galaxy’s junk that crashed onto Jakku. Since I realised I was different and I felt things they couldn’t they made fun of me and I ran away ready to survive by myself. And I had for 20 years relied on just me, I had met Lor San Tekka when I was around 10 his calming aura is what drew me to him and he let me communicate with him in my way. Tears rose up inside me and I swallowed harshly, this galaxy had lost such a bright spark now he was gone, taken by a darkness. A darkness with a name...... _Kylo Ren_. I angrily wiped the tears off my face as I looked at the now blue sky. I didn’t care what it cost, even if the price was my own life but if I died I was taking him down with me. 

People started to emerge heading to the cantina to get some food and start their day. I headed back to my room and found to my disappointment it was empty. I frowned, why was I so reliant on him? Why did I need to be around him all the time? Maybe this feeling needed exploring, but not today. I stripped and jumped into the refresher still astounded they had water at the ready whenever you wanted it and it was  warm . 

I probably took longer than I should but I just enjoyed the feel of the it cascading over my skin, running my fingers through my hair as I washed myself, this was a luxury that people really took for granted. I got out and plaited my hair to keep it out of my face, I felt ready to face the General. Excitement sparked through me at the prospect of travelling through space. 

I left to find Poe who was eating in the seating area, I suddenly felt nervous seeing he was sitting with Finn and a couple of other people in orange flight suits. I tried to leave with my food but Poe saw me, calling me over. I could feel their curiosity and I felt myself blush but I glared at them straight in the eye daring them to make fun of me or say anything about me. 

‘Shayl, you’ve met Finn this is Snap and Jess, guys this is Shayl.’ Snap smiled and greeted me as I sat down, I cast my eyes quickly at Poe who shot me a reassuring look before continuing to talk about the supply run they were about to do. 

‘So Snap and Jess will be our protection, from a distance though we don’t want to draw the attention of the First Order. Finn, me and Shayl will get the fuel loaded and be out of there before anyone will suspect a thing.’ The woman, Jess sat back in her seat with a sigh and crossed her arms.

‘It’s risky Dameron. Did the General really approve this nerfherder brained scheme of yours?’

‘General Organa has every faith in my skills.’

‘Piloting yes, but not lying and cheating.’

‘We are not lying and cheating, we are just taking fuel from under the First Orders nose! Anyway, that’s why Finn is coming. He knows how they operate he knows what to say to get us out of tight spot, right buddy?’ Poe slapped Finn in the chest as he matched Jess’s posture across the table. Finn nodded but before he could say anything Jess jutted her chin at me. 

‘Why is she coming?’ I felt slightly amused that she couldn’t look at me fully. She didn’t trust me.  The feeling was mutual.

‘Shayl is coming because she has an unusual set of skills and she can fight.’

‘So you are expecting a fight?’ Piped up Snap and Poe rolled his eyes. 

‘Shayl can be our secret weapon if things get hairy. We need a back up plan for our back plan am I right?’ They mumbled in agreement, as Poe stood. ‘That’s settled. Fuel up, get ready to fly out. Shayl, let’s gear you up.’ I could feel Jess’s eyes on me as I rose from the table, the hostility in her gaze made my skin itch and I really wanted to explore what her problem was but right now I was too excited for what was about to happen. Poe gave me some leather pants and a shirt to put on, we both changed quickly and I was acutely aware he was just round the corner from me as we got undressed. 

‘You decent?’ I rolled my eyes because he wouldn’t hear me if I wasn’t anyway, I lifted my leg up and rested it on a bench to do up the buckles on my boots, as he came round the corner his heated gaze travelled up my leg taking in my outfit and he ran a hand through his hair as though he was uncomfortable. ‘Yeah, it —it suits you. Anyway here’s your holster.’ I looked at the leather straps but they were all tangled and I looked hopelessly at him. ‘You don’t know how to put it on?’ I shook my head and he swallowed, I could see his throat bob and suddenly I was filled with skin pricking nervous energy. 

He slowly took the holster from me. ‘Lift your arms up.’ His voice was deep but soft and I felt my heart pound in my chest. I raised them and watched his face as he wrapped his arms slowly around me, placing the belt on my hips, his fingertips brushing my clothes gently. His warm breath fanned over my face as he pulled the belt tightly, pulling me towards him slightly. My breath hitched as his fingers trailed lines of fire down my thigh to the strap that would sit round my leg, he knelt down and gently tugged on the strap his eyes focused on what his fingers were doing. I watched his curly hair shift on top of his head and I had to resist everything within me not to run my desperate hands through his dark hair. I wasn’t sure where all this had come from but it rose in me with such force I could feel the heat rise in my face. When he stood he was close, so close. His eyes snapped to mine and it felt like an eternity as we stood trying to read each others faces. His aura crowded me, his smell suffocated me and I could feel myself being drawn to him.  
The door smashed open breaking the moment as Poe stepped away from me, grabbing a couple of jackets he passed one to me and shrugged the other one on. 

‘The General is asking if we’re ready flyboy.’ 

‘Yeah yeah, we’re ready.’ He squeezed past Jess and I went to follow only to find her arm blocking my way. 

‘I don’t know what your game is but if you fuck this up for us....’ she left the threat hanging. I refused to look at her, I had dealt with bullies, worse people than her all my life and I was not intimidated. She snorted softly at my lack of reaction before she pushed away from the doorframe and followed Poe. 

That was going to be a problem. 

I trailed after them as Poe lead us to a transport with large storage compartments. It was old and I could feel an uneasy sensation creep over me. This wasn’t going to end well. Poe beckoned me over and I walked up the ramp, BB8 followed me, his body rolling easily over the floor beeping in happiness.

‘Here is your blaster, safety off here, stun switch is here, aim and shoot.’ I took it from him and slipped it into the holster on my hip. ‘And here is this,’ as I looked up I saw he held my staff. 

_I thought I’d left that on Jakku_ . 

‘I saw it on the floor after you’d been shot and I asked one of the guys to grab it, I thought you could use it. I think, we are going to need your fighting skills and whatever,’ he waved his hand in front of my face as he handed the staff over. ‘Whatever else Force like powers you have going on.’ I smiled slightly as I ran my hands over the staff, this had been my weapon for many years, I was glad I hadn’t lost it. Finn came up the ramp with some bags and dumped them at the back of the shuttle. 

‘We ready?’ Poe sat in the pilots seat flicking the comm switch he asked if Snap and Jess were ready who both replied with an affirmative. 

‘Let’s go.’ I sat in a seat next to Finn, I was buzzing with excitement I couldn’t sit still. The transport rocked slightly as Poe expertly manoeuvred it out of the hanger. Sunlight flooded the cockpit and I felt alive as we shot up into the sky flanked by the two X-wings. We broke the atmosphere exploding into the inky black sky of the galaxy. I got up to look out of the front window as the stars burst into existence all around us. It reminded me of a clear nights sky on Jakku but it was just so much more intense. 

‘Co-ordinates set for Fermic. Ready to jump to lightspeed.’ 

_‘Ready Black Leader.’_

_‘Ready.’_ Poe pushed the leaver on the console and I watched mesmerised as the stars all blurred into a bright white light around me. The lights rushed past the windows of the ship and it was only then I noticed how silent it was. My breathing sounded loud to my ears and I flinched slightly as Poe spoke, his voice so much louder than I expected.

‘Get comfy folks we have a few hours at least in hyperspace.’ Finn groaned.

‘I hate travelling in hyperspace.’

‘Well it gives us time to go over the plan.’ I listened as Poe told us we’re going to pick up some larger tankers of fuel, the Resistance was running low and if we wanted to launch an assault on Starkiller we needed this cargo desperately. _Nothing_ could go wrong. Basically all I had to do was let Finn do the talking, Poe do the loading and I was to keep an eye on everyone. I could do that. 

‘How long do we have left?’ Poe looked at the console and made a face. 

‘5 parsecs.’ 

‘I’m going to a nap.’ Finn said as he stretched. He settled himself down on a blanket at the back of the ship and rolled away from us. BB8 beeped at Poe.

‘Yeah buddy you go ahead and charge.’ I sat awkwardly playing with the holster on my leg, I’d never worn anything like this before and I wasn’t used to it. 

‘You’re awfully quiet.’ I looked up at him then I realised he was trying to make a joke with me. I put my hand on his bare forearm and I didn’t miss the tensing of his muscle under my fingers. 

_This would be better so we don’t wake Finn._

His eyes widened slightly.

_It’s ok, just think what you want to say I will see._ He jerked his arm out of my grip but I sensed a flash of concern from him before hepointed to his temple.

‘Got classified info in here,’ but his eyes wouldn’t meet mine. It shocked me that he didn’t trust me, I had never searched through someone’s mind before, I didn’t even think I could but he seemed to think I would. _Great_. I crossed my arms with a sigh. This was going to be a boring trip. I found myself zoning out to the rushing white lights, they were calming, almost hypnotising and before I knew it I was slumping in my seat. I felt my body being picked up and I gripped on tightly still mostly asleep. 

‘It’s ok I’ve got you.’ Poe whispered as he placed me on the floor on a blanket, I relaxed, it wasn’t comfortable but it would do. I couldn’t open my eyes but I could sense everything around me, Finn snoring gently, BB8s charger whirring, and Poe’s fingers brushing a stray piece of hair out of my face before he stood up and walked back to the pilots seat. 

In what felt like no time at all the alarm was sounding warning us we were in proximity, Poe dropped us out of lightspeed and the planet loomed before us. 

‘Jess, Snap stay out of range but not too far ok?’

_‘Copy Black Leader.’_

_‘Copy.’_

‘Alright people. Here we go.’ Poe began the descent into the planets atmosphere. ‘Let’s hope we are the only ones fuelling up today.’ As we broke cloud cover he cursed loudly. ‘The First Order is here. We have specific orders from the General to not engage. I repeat do not engage!’ He switched the comms off and sat back in his seat. Finn was pacing near the ramp. 

‘You think we can pull this off Poe?’ 

‘I honestly don’t know pal, but we need this fuel. Let’s just keep our heads down and hope they don’t notice us.’ The ship gently docked and Poe lowered the ramp letting Finn out to talk to the dock master. ‘Stay here, don’t let them see you BB8 you’ll give us away.’ He beeped quietly and I knelt next to him. I closed my eyes stretching my senses, slowly threading my way through the docks. I could sense Finn, the dock master and Poe and I could also sense a whole platoon of Troopers in the First Order transport. Some were milling about in the docks but the rest were hidden in the ship. 

‘Hey you, what’s your business?’ A Trooper approached Poe and I tensed, although I was in the ship I could hear what was happening outside. This was a skill I had perfected on Jakku.

‘Oh hey chief, just fuelling up,’ replied Poe with a forced cheerfulness. 

‘That’s a lot of fuel for a single transport. What’s you docking number?’ I reached out into the mind of the Trooper questioning Poe, his voice stuttered through his mask as I gripped him in place. 

‘Shit.’ Poe’s voice echoed round me and I could feel the Trooper struggling against my control but he couldn’t break it. 

‘Finn, we gotta move out.’ 

‘Did we get all of it? Hey, why is he just standing here?’ 

‘I think Shay is working her magic here, just act like we’re talking to him.’ 

‘Poe I’ve got a bad feeling about this.’ Their voices were low and rushed and they were drawing the attention of another Trooper not to mention the platoon was preparing to storm out of the transport and arrest Poe and Finn and seize the precious fuel we were taking. 

‘I know buddy, I know.’ 

‘Hey you two! What’s going on here?’ I stood, BB8 making a low sound at me as I made my way to the ramp. My footsteps rung out on the metal drawing the attention of everyone, without thinking I pulled the blaster out stunning the two Troopers in front of Poe and all chaos broke loose. The transport erupted with white and black armour as they came out in a wave towards us, I stunned some more never missing my mark, as soon as they were close enough I twirled my staff, I ducked and weaved avoiding blaster fire as I dragged my staff along the ground sweeping the first wave of troopers off their feet. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through me as I moved, I always knew where to put my feet, when to strike, when to duck and how hard to hit. They were so slow as I moved through the platoon until no one was left standing. I stood in the middle of the ring of groaning troopers my chest heaving as Poe and Finn were both staring dumb struck at the mess around me. I slapped my staff across a helmet knocking out a Trooper who was reaching for his gun before I stepped over them. 

‘We should probably leave,’ said Finn. 

‘Yeah I second that.’ Poe grabbed my arm and roughly shoved me on the ship. ‘Black one and Black two we are coming out hot!!’ Poe started the transport and I could see the Troopers getting up and beginning to fire on us. 

‘Go go!’ Shouted Finn as he pounded on the back of Poe’s chair.

‘BB8 can you give us a boost?’ The ship jolted as the blaster shots hit the rear panels. BB8 connected with the ship and I could feel it vibrate beneath my feet as he tried to find us some extra power. As soon as we were through the atmosphere Poe threw us into hyperspace, goosebumps rose on my skin as I sensed his anger and disappointment at my actions. He stood and advanced on me his jaw tensing as he figured out what to say. I flinched slightly as he finally exploded. 

‘What the HELL were you playing at?! That was so reckless! _You_ could have been killed! We had orders! Do NOT engage! Do you know what that means?’ He cursed and gripped the back of his chair his knuckles going white. ‘I told the General you wouldn’t do anything stupid. Now we are going back to base -,’ he spun pointing a finger in my face making me back up slightly. ‘- and you are going to tell her  _exactly_ what you did and how put us, the mission all in jeopardy!’ 

‘Poe, calm down...’

‘No I will not calm down, we could have all been killed...’

‘They were getting suspicious Poe do you really think they’d have let us leave?’ Finns voice was calm as he tried to reason with the angry pilot. 

‘I don’t know, would have been worth a try right?’ 

‘And then what? When they didn’t let us go?’ Finn spread his hands. ‘She did us a favour. Isn’t that why we brought her?’ Poe sat back down with a heavy sigh. I rocked on my heels at his sudden outburst, I knew it was coming but I still....I hadn’t seen this side of him before. He was always so calm, controlled so sure of himself and now this man before me was not. I retreated to the back of the ship as they continued a furious whispered conversation, I blocked them out feeling my own anger. If I hadn’t have acted we would have been captured and then where would the Resistance be? Even the Galaxy! If we didn’t take down this Starkiller there would be many more deaths. For the first time in a long time I could feel the burning desire to  speak , to fight my corner to explain my actions but at the same time I shut down, I shouldn’t have to explain myself, I was protecting what needed to be protected. We got what we needed, what was the problem? 

Poe landed the transport outside the busy base, they instantly began to unload the fuel and distribute it amongst the fleet. I had stayed in the same position the entire flight back dreading what was going to happen. Finn exited first with BB8 as I stretched my cramped legs. 

‘Let’s go.’ Poe’s face was tight with anger and I could feel my own hostility rising, I followed him down to the command centre my anger giving me focus, I realised I was able to hold off everyone else’s auras and emotions by being consumed by my own. Leia’s eyes snapped up as we came down the steps, she must have sensed our fury, it was palpable and I could see our auras sparked as they connected. 

‘Commander, was the mission a success?’

‘You could say that.’

‘Oh? Elaborate.’ Poe shoved me forward and I glared at him as he crossed his arms. 

‘This one pulled a stupid stunt and engaged the First Order.’ Silence fell over the command centre as everyone turned their eyes on me. I held my chin up, their attention just fuelled my anger and I welcomed it. 

‘What happened?’ Leia addressed the question to Poe and I crossed my arms matching his posture, my eyes settling on him daring him to blame me for everything. 

‘She took on a whole platoon of Troopers by herself. She could have been killed!  We could have been killed!’ 

_But I wasn’t_ .

‘Was anyone killed?’ Leia stared at Poe, the command in her posture evident as she stared him down. 

‘No,’ he snapped. 

‘Did you leave with the fuel?’ 

‘Barely...’ he mumbled.

‘Commander?’ 

‘Yes!’

‘Did they follow you here?’

‘No.’ His voice was becoming sullen, like a child being told off as he truthfully answered her questions.

‘Then I don’t see a problem.’ Poe’s eyes widened in amazement at her words and he spluttered angrily throwing his arms wide he pointed randomly.

‘How can you say that?! What she did was _reckless_ and dangerous it put us all in danger....’

‘She acted out of necessity, much like another  _reckless_ , dangerous person I know.’ Poe stopped, his face clouding over as he mulled over her words. He made a frustrated noise before mumbling something about his X-wing and leaving without looking at me. I turned my attention to Leia as she focused on me.

‘He’s right, it was stupid but thanks to you we have the fuel we now need to launch this assault.’ I uncrossed my arms, I had expected a similar reaction to Poe’s from her. ‘Go and rest, I expect you’re tired.’ She went back to looking at the holomap and I slunk out of there before anyone could stop me. 

I took a steadying breath as I made it outside I didn’t like being cooped up for too long and being on the ship for as long as I was definitely took it’s toll on me. I was restless, I had lots of pent up energy and I didn’t know what to do with it, I gripped my staff in my hands. 

I hadn’t trained for so long and it was usually the way I released tension in myself. I could see the X-wings all lined up as each one was fuelled to the maximum and I could see Poe’s X-wing as he worked on it with BB8. My fingers tightened on my staff and I picked a tree as my target, I started with a fighting stance holding my staff level, swinging it round as I spiralled, weaving and ducking. My feet shifted along ground, always sure always certain of where they should be. I could feel it flowing through me, the Force. I cartwheeled my arms tucking my staff close to my body, my legs dead straight as I spun in the air. That move was always my favourite because no one else could do it. As I landed and looked up I didn’t see the trees anymore, just  _him_ . He stood silently as my chest heaved from the exertion of my work out, I could feel him studying me but I wasn’t scared.  Was he here? At the base? No, this was something else . I advanced a step to see what he’d do and he didn’t move, I could feel his aura brush against me and again I was surprised by the vastness of it, the emotion battled around inside it giving him a spiky appearance to me. 

‘You see me.’ His modulated voice reached my ears but it echoed slightly, like he was far away. 

_If I can see you, it means I can kill you._ Amusement rolled off him but he didn’t move, not a single muscle. 

‘Try it.’ His taunt sparked something inside, something primal and with a yell I rushed, my staff swept straight through him like he was a ghost and I stumbled at the lack of contact, I managed to spin and correct myself by sliding across the ground. He turned slowly to face me. ‘Maybe you can’t.’ Rage boiled up inside me, rage that I couldn’t reach him, rage that I couldn’t fucking kill him, for Tekka. ‘Lor San Tekka, so that’s why you want to kill me?’

_ I hate you ! _

‘Shayl? You ok?’ Finn appeared between the trees his eyes searching as he cautiously approached. His hand reached for me and I instantly grabbed it, my mind was in chaos and he winced slightly. 

_He was here!! He was here! Standing right there!_

‘Shayl, slow down — the images —,’ he groaned and put a hand to his temple. I struggled but I managed to calm myself enough to not bombard him. ‘He was here? Is that possible? Is the base compromised?’ 

_He wasn’t physically here, it was an image? Not a hologram, like a ghost._

‘We need to tell Leia.’ 

_No!_ I tightened my grip on his hand.  _She is about to give the go ahead on Starkiller if we tell her this she will call it off and evacuate the base._ He nodded. 

‘Alright fine, but you tell her as soon as you can because you can’t keep this a secret.’ 

_Fine_ . I released his hand and leant heavily on my staff, I felt drained and my legs trembled slightly as we emerged from the trees together. Yes I had been near the entrance to the base but you really would have had to peer in to see me through the trees, I frowned at Finn as I watched him walk towards Poe.  How did he know where I was?   
As I stood near the doorway people were heading past me inside the base and I assumed Leia was about to make an announcement, I didn’t want to be in there not right now. Too many people too many emotions, I couldn’t face it. Finn gave me a quick smile but Poe ignored me completely. What I wouldn’t give right now, to be able to whack him over the head. I disobeyed orders, but I saved the mission and he was treating me like he’d never do that? What was the point of taking me then if not to utilise my skills? I slumped onto the hard floor wondering what was going to happen now. 


	5. Stealth

A few days had passed and Poe still refused to speak to me, which was pretty awkward because we were on a stealth mission together. Just us. We were in a modified T-47 airspeeder, one of the old fleet left over from the Rebel Alliance, this one had been modified with a hyperdrive so it could jump to lightspeed. We were doing a mission on Ilum trying to get as much information about Starkiller as we possibly could. Leia had chosen us because of Poe’s skills and my abilities and possibly our recklessness I mean who knows, maybe our lack of fear in the face of the immense First Order is what sealed the deal. 

Landing had been a rocky affair, we had to come out of lightspeed as close to the planets surface as possible and thankfully due to Poe’s piloting skills we managed to arrive in one piece, I might have to rewire the gun but that should be easy. As for the planet, _I hate it_. This....this white stuff is so damn cold! Turns out I really enjoy the heat and the constant freezing temperatures are not my idea of comfort. We had found a cave to use as a base, we hadn’t moved from it because we didn’t have a plan because  he wouldn’t speak to me.   
I stared at the flames as they licked the wood, forever in that eternal dance as they consumed whatever they touched, it was mesmerising and right now my saviour. When Finn had said this planet was cold I really didn’t prepare myself. 

‘We should get some rest.’ My head snapped up as his voice reverberated around the cave, I looked over both shoulders just to make sure he was actually talking to me, yes it seemed he was. He sighed and the fur on his cold weather gear ruffled in its wake, his aura tumbled about, he was confused but I couldn’t pinpoint why. Something was troubling him but I wasn’t going to dig around for it, it just pained me that the close contact I had gotten used to in such a short space of time had been taken from me. I missed it, more than I cared to admit. I had held onto the naive notion that this mission would bring us closer together, but he was set on keeping his distance. 

He stood up and moved nearer to the entrance of the cave. ‘I’ll take first watch.’ I nodded but he had already turned away to peer out into the blizzard. I felt a shot of anger as yet again I was forced to relive my actions, I did something wrong but I pulled it off?  _We_ pulled it off the mission was a success? Why was I still being punished? I lay down on the blanket it wasn’t comfortable but I had slept on worse surfaces. I rolled away from Poe and the fire staring into the depths of the dark cave, automatically I stretched my senses around me like I put a mental blanket over our area spreading is as far as I could. There were no life forms nearby and I closed my eyes hoping sleep would come quickly. 

In no time at all Poe was shaking me awake telling me it was my turn to keep watch. He laid down and was asleep before I had even made it to the entrance but if you’d been a part of this life, this war for as long as he had then I guess you got sleep when and where you can. 

The snow whipped past the opening to the cave creating a white blur so thick I couldn’t see anything beyond my outstretched hand. The wind whistled creating a high pitched whine through the cracks in the icy rock and it seared through my mind like a blaster shot. I _hated_ this planet, the snow, the ice, this was not my idea of comfort at all. I sat down with my legs tucked up under me resting my hands on my thighs, I closed my eyes, spreading my senses outwards. I cleared my mind revelling in how effortless this was for me, usually I felt some resistance but here it was so easy. So easy I started sensing the Troopers on the base about 10 klicks away. Their presence to me was weak I couldn’t count them all the number was too vast, I sensed a ship coming in but it wasn’t the ship that drew my attention. 

Who was on it did. 

His aura never ceased to amaze me but we didn’t have light years of distance or dreams separating us this time and his aura was even more potent in person. His aura churned as the ship came into land he was angry, furious even and it seemed to give him even more strength. I opened eyes and withdrew slightly, I didn’t want him to notice me, not yet anyway. 

The blizzard had died down by the time daylight hit the planets surface. 

‘Did you see or sense anything?’  _Holy shit_ two days in a row I got spoken to. What was Leia playing at putting us here together ? I shook my head and looked down at my breakfast. 

‘Ok, so the plan is to go in get as much info as we can and get out  without getting caught.’  Well, that would be nice considering Kylo Ren is there now. I debated telling Poe that he was there I had mulled it over as I watched the sunlight creep across the ground and I decided not to. Call me a bitch, but I wanted to finally face  him . My insides knotted up at the thought but I was fully aware that I was putting Poe in serious danger. I wrestled with myself, tugging on my bottom lip as I played with my breakfast.   
‘What’s wrong?’ He was looking at me, a frown on his face as he read me, paid attention to my lack of eating. He noticed more than I thought. I shrugged, my shoulders felt tense, I wanted to tell him oh  Maker I needed to tell him right? But hesitation stalled me, that little voice in my head pointing out this could be my one and only chance to face Kylo Ren. I was struggling with myself and it felt physically uncomfortable as I shifted on the floor. 

‘Shay. What’s wrong?’ The shortening of my name did not go unnoticed. I closed my eyes, I couldn’t keep this from any longer, I stretched my hand out towards him but I didn’t look at him, I didn’t want to see more disappointment in his eyes when he realised I kept this from him for so long. His rough fingers gently slid against mine and I shivered at the contact I had been so desperate for from him. My aura rushed to meet his and they connected so easily it gave me a head rush. 

_Kylo Ren arrived at the base last night_. My fingers flexed expecting him to pull away but he didn’t, I could feel he wanted this contact as much as I did. His thumb swept over the sensitive underside of my wrist and my eyes flew up to meet his, his expression was thoughtful as he mulled over the new information. 

‘This does make it more difficult, but we can still pull this off.’

_He might sense me, I’m worried about giving us away._

‘I’m not going to pretend I understand all this force business, but we are just going to have to avoid him, I’m assuming you can sense him?’

_Yes_ . I tried to keep it a simple answer but I’m pretty sure my hatred filtered down to Poe, yes I could sense him. I could sense his huge aura and as much as I hated him his aura filled me with wonder. There was a lot to explore there not that I would ever have the notion to or get the chance. 

‘Alright, let’s pack up get everything in the ship because we might need to make a quick get away.’ 

_Yes Commander_ _._ I pulled my hand from his and began to pack away the food containers as he bundled up the blankets. We wrapped up and began the long trudge to the base. 

My heart pounded, I held up my hand showing there were three Troopers in the control room, Poe nodded and crept around me shooting them with terrifying accuracy. We dived into the room and shut the door behind us, I locked the controls from this side but we had to work quickly. I could feel Kylo Ren, he was everywhere on this base his aura permeated every conceivable area and I couldn’t help but feel slightly terrified. Not for me, I didn’t care if he found me, but he already caught Poe once I wouldn’t let the First Order take him again. Poe shoved the data stick into the control panel as he downloaded the holomap for the base, the seconds ticked by my heart beating erratically as I kept an eye on the door. They were alerted to our presence, why weren’t they barging through the door? I felt uneasy, something wasn’t right, we needed to leave. 

Poe ripped the data stick out as soon as everything was loaded and I unlocked the door. We crept out our blasters pointed in opposite directions but we moved as one unit our backs pressed together as we made our way back out of the base. We came to the last corner and I threw my arm out to stop Poe, I could  feel him just waiting. He was waiting for _me_. I gripped Poe’s hand tightly.

_You need to find another way out._

‘No I’m not leaving you! Let’s go together,’ he whispered.

_You need to find another way out!_

‘No!’ He snarled his arm locking with mine as he pulled me closer. I could feel the panic rolling off him in waves at the idea, but he had more chance escaping without me. I looked into his deep brown eyes as they stared desperately back at me, his dark curls slightly wet from the snow hung limp on his forehead, my eyes travelled over his face, committing everything about him to memory. The colour of his skin, the creases round his eyes, the shape of his lips, his dark hair, the permanent stubble on his chin and cheeks. The way his hand gripped mine, the feel of his body pressing against me holding me to him, refusing to let me go. No one had ever got under my skin like this man had not even close and in such a short space of time. I swallowed harshly knowing what I had to do, trying to find the strength from the very depths of my core. I reached for him, manipulating him through our connection and I hated it, I hated doing this to him but he needed to get this information back to the Resistance. 

_You will leave me._

‘I will leave you,’ he whispered.

_You won’t look back and you will deliver this to Leia._

‘I won’t look back and I will deliver this to Leia.’ His expression relaxed as I took the panic away, I removed his need to save me. He slowly let me go his body moving first and then his grip on my hand eased up.

_Now go!_ He nodded as he started backing away our arms stretched as far as they could, our fingers slowly sliding against one another until his aura released mine, withdrawing completely and I had to hold back a sob as he disappeared. I steeled myself as I rounded the corner knowing exactly what was waiting for me.

The white walls stood there in their pristine glory, but I didn’t see them. The floor was a shiny black that made my boots click on the smooth surface, but I didn’t hear them. My heart fluttered against my rib cage like a trapped bird and my blood roared in my ears, but I didn’t feel it. 

_ Kylo Ren . _

He stood before me, his cloak covered his body even his boots as it settled perfectly on the floor. His mask, the mask that haunted me, was staring at me with the dark sightless pits. He didn’t move, we stood there just staring at each other, our auras slowly gravitating to each other. His aura was jagged and dark, it roiled constantly churning and billowing towards me, whereas my aura shimmered with light and smooth edges, but it gravitated towards his without hesitation. 

‘So we meet at last.’ His voice rolled out of the mask and I felt my lip curl in disgust at the sound of it. 

_You will wish we hadn’t_ _._ He moved and I mirrored his movements keeping the same amount of distance between us. We circled each other like wild animals as the tension built I could feel it thrumming through me as the anticipation of the inevitable rose. 

‘The force is strong with you, I can feel it.’ 

_ Strong enough to beat you .  _

‘Perhaps.’ He switched direction and again I copied, his cloak flicked with each step he took his mask trained on me completely. Was he even human? Was he part droid? Whatever he was, he was a monster. His steps paused and his helmet cocked slightly as he looked at me.

‘A monster?’ My blood froze in my veins,  he could hear me . Our auras weren’t connected, I wasn’t touching him but still he could  hear me. ‘I am interested to know why you think I’m a monster?’ My mind flew to the image I had gleaned from Poe’s mind, the imagine of Kylo striking Tekka down in cold blood. ‘Lor San Tekka.’ The name left his modulated mask and I felt fury that he would even utter his name. ‘Ah, you knew him,’ he whispered. 

I saw his hand flick and he produced a hilt, the hilt to the deadly red blade I had seen in my dreams. He ignited it and its crackling energy filled the space we were in, the reflection of it bounced off the walls and floor casting an eerie glow around us. I faced him with just my staff and a blaster, I had nothing else. At that moment I heard Poe’s ship flying over the base, he was being chased by TIEs, their demonic screech would even reach the bowels of the planet it was so loud, with a flash his ship disappeared into hyperspace and I felt smug satisfaction that they couldn’t catch him.

‘It’s just us now.’ Kylo Ren twirled his saber as he advanced on me and I held my staff ready to block him. With a quick swipe his blade cut through my staff like it was made of sand, for the first time in a long time I felt true fear for my own life, it bubbled up inside me trying to take away my confidence. He swung again and I ducked, smartly sidestepping him. 

‘You have no weapon to defeat me. You cannot win.’ I lifted my chin defiantly. 

_Don’t tell me what I can and cannot do_ _._ He advanced on me again his cloak flaring around him as he swung the saber at me, I reached out and closed my eyes expecting to be struck, but the heat and the pain never came. I opened my eyes to see his saber frozen in mid swing as he still held onto the hilt, he tugged it but it wouldn’t move. I held on as tightly as I could gripping the blade with the force as I glared at him. His free hand shot towards me and I could see the dark tendrils from his aura try to worm their way into mine, but they couldn’t. They rebounded off again and again as I stared him down. 

‘Impossible.’ I allowed myself a small smirk as his control began to slip, his aura tried to encase mine as his rage grew but he just couldn’t do it. Until someone stunned me from behind. 


End file.
